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Christ is Risen and Written!
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As of current situation, I am going through some emotional pruning. However excruciating this can get, pruning is always a good sign that  God sees good fruits through His mercies and graces in us...


My counselor and good friend is about to leave. This is reality, he's got to move to another chapter from where he works and I feel as though another part of me is being yanked out like some Hannibal Lector movie. Strange analogy I'm sure. Many I'm sure would encourage me by saying to keep my chin up and so on, but this isn't just some average Joe. He's more than just someone who helped me overcome a lot of emotional issues, he's a father figure to me. 

I've never known my real father but not that it really matters. I mean I don't hold a grudge on him. My biological mother however has two minds about how she feels about said male parent. Right.


I thought I would be alright. I know I will be alright eventually, but saying goodbye-for-now is never an easy task.

I made a checklist of things which I would like to do in life before I die.

That encouraged me for a while...and come to think of it...I suppose it has encouraged me immensely. 


I was praying to Jesus about how I felt about the situation. Whilst feeling pain and sorrow that my dad would be in another state, I resolved to work hard and smart to gain ways to become independent, successful and able to move about. 

I believe the journey of a thousand miles have begun. Please pray for me. I shall surely keep you in prayer.

Shalom. 


update:

Something just occurred to me...

In the Letter of Saint Paul to the Romans 5:3-5 and 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 

it says...endure all hardships...give thanks to God and lift up our petitions to Him...


in Romans 5:3-5 it says "Suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, character produces hope..."

In Thessalonians it says "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks to God under all circumstances, for it is the will of God for us..."

Again in 1Corinthians10:13 it says God won't give us tasks we cannot handle. Whenever we are presented a situation, He will always give a way out. 

That is very comforting to know...

I am...we are MORE than conquerors in Christ Jesus...Romans 8:37 
  • Listening to: The Big Songs of Worship CD
When the world is fast asleep
in their nest so snug
when the moon and her lamp out hung
half lit like her wake
when the world is fast asleep
yea, I awake

Oh, yea, I am a hermit
whose habits like nuns contemplate
at the foot of the Master's gate
Oh, yea, I am solitude
and solitude is my convent veil
which I quietly wear

When the world and its frequency too high
I seek my Love, whose presence found
upon the hills and mounts like prayer touch the skies
Heaven- God's common ground

I found my Lord Jesus
and He is most glorious
His splendour thrills my soul
and mine heart runs wild and I cannot contain
how much I love my Lord Jesus
yet I am so heavily stained
still the Lord's love, prevailed!

Sweet as wine
Glad as rejoicing songs
Beautiful as a new morn
was the Lord my God
Christ King most glorious
God victorious

Wild the rivers
cool the shade
was the Lord my God
Good constant comfort made
flesh yet divine
Love of mine heart
apple of mine eyes
I love Him yet my love contested
by selfish desires

O if I abandon
the human urgency
then all free would I be
to love ye, Jesus with all I can
Son of God the Father, hope of man

I sought the Lord
Jesus my God
and I found Him there
tower of light
fortress of might
Lay Your spirit
and set mine alight
twine your hands
and your spirit bind; Yours and mine

My lips are parched for Your wine
spill my Love a drop if not handful

You are most glorious God
and I seek You as child his mother

He spoke
oh yeah, my Lord God spoke
upon those lips of damp red rose
kissed with rain
robust as the fruits borne upon a woman's chest
oh He spoke

but only fleetingly
He sealed them again
and looked quietly at me
and then raised His staff and rod to the skies

"Man is numerous as the grains of stars My Father in Heaven has scattered
Man is close to Me for My Father draws them to Me
and I shall refuse none lest their heels turn away

My dear girl
Trust in Me...
"

Jesus God
marked upon mine sinful state
kisses upon kisses soft as whispers passing through the rain
whereupon mine leper's lips
cruel and cold
grew wanting and needy


yet mine lips stained and sinful
His are pure and just
He brushed His hands through my hair
so crude and dull
yet He drew me close
and laid me upon His breast

Oh, I felt home
Home in His sacred chest
My soul cried out; "Blessed is he
whose rest is in Your beloved breast
and in Your breast find him welcomed
Oh how blessed

King of glory
Holy Eucharist
I bless Your Holy Name
King Victorious risen from the tomb
King Merciful and Sorrowful from Passion'd crucifix"

When the world is fast asleep
in their nest so snug
when the moon and her lamp out hung
half lit like her wake
when the world is fast asleep
yea, I awake

When the world and its frequency too high
I seek my Love, whose presence found
upon the hills and mounts like prayer touch the skies
Heaven- God's common ground

A sinful sheep black astray
discovered once again
yet without rebuke but welcomed
with kiss embrace
Oh Lord Jesus
Blessed is he
Whom is summoned before You
and cowers not to see Your face!

Jesus the moon
and the stars above
Jesus, I sought You
and find You when I find You
in the hours of the night....

After much thought I realized how foolish I was. Wisdom was taking me on another journey and I had allowed myself to drag my feet as she led me. Ahh...the fool that I am. Then again this helped me to reflect on what needs to be improved and that God is not finished with me yet. I am WORK in progress.

*shamed*

Anyway...the day's event reminded me of a verse from the Book of Sirach 4:11-19

"Wisdom takes care of those who look for her; she raises them to greatness. Loving her is loving life itself; rising early to look for her is pure joy. Anyone who obtains Wisdom will be greatly honored. Wherever he goes, the Lord will bless him. Wisdom's servants are the servants of the Holy One, and the Lord loves everyone who loves her. Those who obey her will give sound judgments;[a] those who pay attention to her have true security. Put your trust in Wisdom, and you will possess her and pass her on to your descendants. At first, Wisdom will lead you along difficult paths. She will make you so afraid that you will think you cannot go on. The discipline she demands will be tormenting, and she will put you to the test with her requirements until she trusts you[b] completely. Then she will come to you with no delay, reveal her secrets to you, and make you happy. But if you go astray, she will abandon you and let you go to your own ruin."

and Sirach 4:20-28

"Take advantage of opportunities, but guard yourself against evil. Don't underrate yourself. Humility deserves honor and respect, but a low opinion of yourself leads to sin. Do not let others have their way at your expense; do not bring on your own ruin by giving up your rights.Never hesitate to speak out when the occasion calls for it. Don't hide your wisdom.Your wisdom and education can be known only by what you say. Do not, however, go against the truth, and remember that you do not know everything. Don't be ashamed to confess your sins; there's no point in trying to stop a river from flowing. Don't allow yourself to be dominated by someone who is stupid or show partiality to influential people. Stand up for what is right, even if it costs you your life; the Lord God will be fighting on your side."

I feel so ashamed really. But this also comforts me in a way.

I am ashamed because I allowed myself to be demotivated by people when I should've trusted God and allowed constructive criticism prune me. For another I had allowed my lack of self confidence which I had thought was gone...unfortunately I realised also that like cancer or similar illness can come and go at any time. It is when we are prepared that we know what to do.

I had allowed people at present...current tribulation distract me...

Ahh...thus wisdom teaches those whom God has led to her. Those who seek to be taught shall face trials and sufferings which can only cause them to weep and gnash their teeth. As said in the preceding verses, if one continues to follow wisdom and endure it all, wisdom shall then explain why she had led him or her to such pains.

I had books on my desk and did not bother using them. I had frozen and allowed myself to be momentarily blank all because I did not revise and practice the lessons and review the books which was related to English Language Grammar

I am currently pledging to do at least 2 pages a day...which on a weekend 4 pages. 2 in the morning and 2 in the evening...God willing.

I also learnt that I should not allow people to bring me down. I have come this far. I should rejoice in the fact that I am HERE.

Yet I must also be aware whilst I have reached HERE. I have many more miles to go.

Humility and wisdom come hand in hand. Alongside it The Lord is present.

He does not shame nor does He bring down the ones Whom He has called. Instead He would glorify in His creation and make nations from His chosen. He would make them triumph if he would allow the Lord Yahweh God of Hosts to build upon them His Holy Temple. To pray for humility, to pray to remain steadfast is what we pray, that in such would sustain us and perhaps in due time in His good grace in our spirits form roots in our soul.

So I am relearning to value myself...and the person God has made me to be. I think I forget that a LOT.

Well...I am learning to pick myself up and Jesus is there to hold me up. Psalm 37:24

We fall for many reasons. Sometimes due to pride, ambition and distractions. But if we turn to God seek His grace, mercy and loving guidance, we shall (in contrite heart) obtain forgiveness and then be lifted up for in Jesus we shall not fall but stand firm, if we allow Him to make a home in us. If we make our house on Jesus our ROCK, nothing on earth or the next can destroy our house because JESUS shall sustain us and deliver us from calamity.

Yeah..I pray for persistence and consistency. I pray for humility, wisdom and confidence. Amen.

I hope this encourages you, who are going through similar hardships or struggles. You are more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:37)

and if we have God with us who can be against us? (Romans 8:31)

Therefore fix our eyes upon Jesus, Who is the author of the Word. (Hebrews 12:2)

  • Listening to: The Big Songs of Worship CD


Whenever I feel God's hand on my shoulder,a fiery sensation as though my heart is covered with spiritual fire, or when I hear (from the heart) Him speak, it's as though it is telling me the things below:

1) Something TRYING is about to happen which would involve serious emotional and mental battles i.e. verbal/emotional abuse 

which can be in any given scenario...


2) Sometimes the experience leads me to a good thing like a job interview or something the like. 


Most of the time it applies to number 1).


Insecurity is subjective to various individuals in all walks of life.

For some insecurity lies within monetary issues. For some, a need for a spouse. For others it could be something which could be referred to on Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs. So the human emotions is holding on to a checklist which is on a clip board.

But all insecurity can be pointed towards the human ego. According to neurologists such as Sigmund Freud, the human ego can be broken into three segments. First it is the ID, which is influenced by human instinct which can be selfless or selfish.Generally ego will affect a person's decision making to satisfy a part of a person's emotional or mental desire which has not been met. For example, a child sees a toy which every child is purchasing. Subconsciously he feels left out. Why? The attention is brought to the toy because it is sending out a message; "You will NOT be happy and that empty void in your life cannot be filled if you do not purchase the toy."

Such can be applied on several scenarios which involves ID.

Whenever a need is met, it is checked from the list until further notice. However, when an unmet need is put on KIV for long,the more the mind and body longs for a particular desire to be met.

For a child, he may feel comforted if his mother and father are present. There are several reasons which may explain why the child demands such. For one he might want to feel that by visual and physical presence of his parents, he is assured that nothing wrong will happen to him. If they were to leave the room, his confidence of how he would cope without the presence of his parents. Their absence threatens his livelihood and possibility of not having his desires met if ever he would need them to be.

For a teenager, perhaps subjectively speaking for the sake of the topic, a teen would feel unattractive if she or he is not physically and visually attractive as those popular TV or music icons whom their peers idolize. If the need is unmet their self esteem deteriorates abysmally.

For an adult perhaps their jobs are not as good as Mr/Ms So and So's or Who and Who's so he or she begins to question his competency.

of course there are various instances which the human ego can be threatened. In which case when the need is not met he or she may and most of the time do, advocate for the cause until it is met. If still unmet,he or she would be led to an abysmal state where lamentation and possible abuse or emotional and mental transference can take place.

The ID can also be led to believe that it is acting on pure intentions. The ID can disguise itself as the EGO or SUPEREGO. In which case debatable, the person would continue to let this vicious cycle continue unless someone convinces and converts his or her thinking thus disposing the disillusion which his or her ID has formed.

I mention such things in length due to the fact that I am ironically satisfying my own ego because I've been emotionally overwhelmed by a scenario where verbal abuse and threat are seen as an act of kindness, or motherly love in this case.

It is rather sad to see what lengths we humans can go to to have our selfish meets met.

I had been quite excited on several events. As such I began to rejoice in the fact that things were finally looking up, despite of an unpleasant episode which occurred earlier on Thursday at work. I regret to say it was my fault.

Anyway it was rectified.

Digression aside, my mother had requested another body massage. I who was not ready to give her one, had obliged but had forgotten how to do it after having been disposed of said duty for a measure of time.

As such mother had displayed her dislike and as such had led to her typical lamentations of her sufferings and short comings.

Honestly speaking, I don't intend NOR WILL I EVER EVER let her starve to death or be driven to the streets homeless. NEVER.

However, her perspective of assurance and my own has never met eye to eye which of course was very excruciating.

Failing to meet her expectations of a good massage, she dismissed me carelessly with the idea that I had made a sloppy job of relieving her of muscular discomforts.

I do not deny that I am irked by what she does. But truly, I would not disown her. NEVER. Problem is she is not assured.

Seeing how calm I was she threw questions and remarks to why I had not cared about her and the family. She began to bring up matters such as omission of household duties and how I was not contributing to the family.

I had brought up previous encounters where I had obliged. I do NOT wish for thanks or gratitude in any way because doing chores and of such is a responsibility. Whenever I do, she has a reason to say why I was not doing a good job.

After all this while I had assumed and thought true that when I stood up for myself, it was complete rebellion and her word was law.

When I had failed to meet her expectations I was failure and her comments justified and spoke for everyone in the world whom I would socially or professionally encounter.

After ignoring her (After a day's work) I felt it was unfair that she should bombard me with her bitterness or complains when I had endured the same at work, regardless of whether I did a good job or not.

Ill-treatment seems to be a prerogative of many whom seem to hold posts of great authority. When one is faced with the matter for it to be resolved. When one is faced with the idea that one has been trying to implement laws to satisfy or justify an ideal, the defense mechanism for pleasures or displeasure not met is to transfer the idea or displeasure unto others so that he or she could siphon it to another and see the other person submit to his or her whims, or suffer the consequence of disobedience.

I admit I had been bold to confront her with issues which led her to say how she had condemned my faith and the source of my faith because I do not condone to her ideals and way of life. Not adhering to her precepts is immature, foolish and downright sinful.

It is the mark of a deviant child who wishes to shame and tarnish the family name.

I confronted her, in all honesty I think this is where ego takes place, I had questioned her why she had been so bitter about my faith when I have NEVER ever mock or condemn her faith. I believe God draws individuals unto Himself in mysterious and various ways.

She was projecting her insecurity on me. When I would not react to it she sees it as means of my not caring for her.

I have never condemned her or judged her in anyway except that she has never accepted me for who I am and that my grandmother MORE of a mother than she was.

On one hand it was probably because she was led to this state. On the other hand her hurt in life may not have been confronted and healed and her unwillingness to have it healed has brought about an idea that if someone deviates from her norms it would be mutiny and self destructive.

I believe it is true that she is projecting many things and is banding up with anyone else who would endorse her ideals and laws. These recruits would reinforce her ideals if not to threaten the safety of those who don't.

When I had refused to fight back or answer her back in a way she had threatened to make miserable my life faith-wise and clearly said she would make me regret being a Christian.

I confronted her and questioned her several things such as if she would confess her doubting that I would do well in my course.

She said all parents doubt that their children would ever do well in life.

I said no, some parents believe in their children. She seemed to think that I had spat out some kind of rude utterance, therefore showing how ungrateful I am.

I can be ungrateful but I am not going to sit down and allow her to condemn me on things which are untrue.

She expresses her concerns about my life and I expressed how I appreciated it but I also mentioned how I am not a little child anymore. 
I also said I would never abandon her.

She could not grasp it and still expressed her insecurity towards me and said how our relatives has had houses and such.

I know she cares but I wish she would accept me and trust me.

The superego had coincided with the ego.

This is a sharing of course but I would not judge any of you and I would never ever judge a child.

Finally she said she would leave me alone. But this pattern I was already acquainted with.

She says she would leave me alone. However I believe that if she doesn't deal with her insecurity, not only will it irritate me but it wouldn't do her any good.

I suppose this happens in households of different faiths.

Funny thing was when I had asked her why she had condemned my faith when I have never condemned hers, she finds a way to divert.

A mind can only open as far as you want it to be. A person can only see as much as he or she wants to see.

A person cannot realise he is free until he moves away from the spot where he stands, to find that nothing was holding him back in the first place.

Unfortunately, she refuses to seek help. Her only retaliation to something which she cannot overcome is to threaten to go to church and yell at the priest for 'misguiding' me or threaten to do something horrid to anything Christian which I possess.

I pray for the grace to stand in the light...(Matthew 5:13-15)

I am not righteous nor do I deem myself as holy. I am nothing without God.

This is a sharing.

I might write more later.

Romans 12:12
Acts 14:22
2Timothy 3:12
Hebrews 4:14-16
1Thessalonians 5:16-18

  • Listening to: The Big Songs of Worship CD
I lay upon you a garment of white
He is the Holy Spirit
Who lives and reigns with Me and God the Father
Who shall be your holy guide
He shall help you to discern
what is wrong and right
therefore by learning and adhering
you shall be pleasing before My sight

Do not be afraid
of whatever lies ahead
Many forlorn, lament and dread
of tomorrow when they should
trust Me the Lord your God instead

The road ahead is not easy
so My love, be wary for evil lurks
it craves to steal, plunder and crush dead
the spirit whose light wavering
is snuffed out because he did not look to Me

I am the God ascended
I sit at My Father's right hand
Trust Me Yahweh your God
and your plans realized

I give you Holy Spirit
for He shall be for you
a great vessel, a shield and sturdy sword

stand firm in the faith
do good for others
for charity brings life not death

Wear My garments well
for they repel
the fiery arrows of hell
stay in My love
for I shall bring light

The light everlasting
stay in it and you shall never lose your way
I shall dispel the dark
the rain might fall and snow might freeze
but lo, if you believe
I shall make you triumph in all your deeds
I shall bless you beyond comprehensive measure ever conceived!

I am the light of the world
whosoever trusts in Me shall never be crestfallen

O ye of little faith

I lay upon you
one of My numerous blessings
My peace and all well meanings
in all which you shall think and do
I lay upon you My grace
and upon My grace, My mercy
in the name of God the Father, and I- God the Son and God the Holy Spirit

I live in you
and you live in Me
as long as you trust in Me
I shall lead you to victory
I shall ease your burden
cast shadows to cool your sweat

I shall commend you to all ends of the earth
if your undertakings in Me surrender
I shall glorify My name
Three Divine bodies made union One
I shall glorify it again

Happy is he who trusts in Me
He shall be called blessed

I shall lay upon you My holy garment
and He the Holy Spirit shall be your guide
trust in Me, your Lord God Jesus Christ,
O apple of My eye...

I lay upon you a garment of white
He is the Holy Spirit
Who lives and reigns with Me and God the Father
Who shall be your holy guide
He shall help you to discern
what is wrong and right
therefore by learning and adhering
you shall be pleasing before My sight
I lay upon you a garment...

written 
13/5/2015
Wednesday
11:40 p.m.

submittted
12:56a.m/
14/5/2015
Thursday 


I truly believe if you seek God with all of your heart, you will definitely find Him.

He is real and He speaks to each of us if we just listen closely.

Not just with our ears but with our heart. Approach Him with childlike faith for it is the faith of little children which shall obtain the pleasure of His audience.

while praying tonight I felt a little voice inside of me say this... I feel as though it is Jesus Who speaks...

This is a sharing. Please bear with me.

While praying I expressed some concerns which were in my heart.As I prayed I felt His voice, a booming male voice say this...

Loading...
As of current situation, I am going through some emotional pruning. However excruciating this can get, pruning is always a good sign that  God sees good fruits through His mercies and graces in us...


My counselor and good friend is about to leave. This is reality, he's got to move to another chapter from where he works and I feel as though another part of me is being yanked out like some Hannibal Lector movie. Strange analogy I'm sure. Many I'm sure would encourage me by saying to keep my chin up and so on, but this isn't just some average Joe. He's more than just someone who helped me overcome a lot of emotional issues, he's a father figure to me. 

I've never known my real father but not that it really matters. I mean I don't hold a grudge on him. My biological mother however has two minds about how she feels about said male parent. Right.


I thought I would be alright. I know I will be alright eventually, but saying goodbye-for-now is never an easy task.

I made a checklist of things which I would like to do in life before I die.

That encouraged me for a while...and come to think of it...I suppose it has encouraged me immensely. 


I was praying to Jesus about how I felt about the situation. Whilst feeling pain and sorrow that my dad would be in another state, I resolved to work hard and smart to gain ways to become independent, successful and able to move about. 

I believe the journey of a thousand miles have begun. Please pray for me. I shall surely keep you in prayer.

Shalom. 


update:

Something just occurred to me...

In the Letter of Saint Paul to the Romans 5:3-5 and 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 

it says...endure all hardships...give thanks to God and lift up our petitions to Him...


in Romans 5:3-5 it says "Suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, character produces hope..."

In Thessalonians it says "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks to God under all circumstances, for it is the will of God for us..."

Again in 1Corinthians10:13 it says God won't give us tasks we cannot handle. Whenever we are presented a situation, He will always give a way out. 

That is very comforting to know...

I am...we are MORE than conquerors in Christ Jesus...Romans 8:37 
  • Listening to: The Big Songs of Worship CD

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cereal-in-a-bowl
Margaret Anne B
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
Malaysia
"Here I am Lord, to do Your will" - Hebrews 10:7-9

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Personal Quote: Prov 16:3, Prov 16:20, Jer15: 20-21,Heb 7:22, 1Kings 8:56, 2Cor1:20,1Cor3:23

Hello, My name is Margaret Anne. Nice to meet you.
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Museili Featured By Owner May 19, 2015  Student General Artist
Thank you for the fave! :D
 Babylon by Museili
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cereal-in-a-bowl Featured By Owner May 19, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
My pleasure...
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Thanks for the fav, have a good day! :la:
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cereal-in-a-bowl Featured By Owner May 13, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! May God bless you.
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God bless you, dear :hug: just God bless!
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cereal-in-a-bowl Featured By Owner May 3, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Amen...and ditto!!
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Thank you for the watch! Hug
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cereal-in-a-bowl Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Pleasure.
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^^
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