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I have been feeling quite emotional lately. Yeah...I've drawn something but it's in progress. I feel very emotional right now. I feel so sad and...I think I might be mildly clinically depressed.
I attended mass this morning and I received communion....I felt the boulder inside of me leaving but then something someone said hurt my feelings and the boulder just came back. sigh.
I attended mass this morning and I received communion....I felt the boulder inside of me leaving but then something someone said hurt my feelings and the boulder just came back. sigh.
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There are days when I wish I wasn't alive because it's too hard to bear. Sometimes I would fight the urge to cry because it's not manly. Pluck my damn emotions. I'm such a P***y I have never accepted myself and when I finally did everything just crashed down on me, like crumbs from a cookie, hitting on the plate. I feel so alone, so lost. People said they cared and now they're just leaving it be because it's "just another phase". My emotional support group has thinned and it's unfair to have them be there for me. Mental health is very real, and I have never known or learned about this ******. I have always read that festivities are hard on the queer. but I just got a taste of it and God it's such a witch with a capital B. I wish I was brave enough to say I'd die but God it hurts like shit. I am afraid of what is on the other side. Pluck this shit. Pluck the mother cluckers who look at me judgmentally. Pluck them all. I never asked for this crap to happen. I have never asked to be
Awareness - level up
As a child I was always taught to say yes to people, to oblige or to turn a blind eye. Even as I recall, my godmother once told me that a particular person's badger sexual harassment or not should only merit him a "walk-away" but I say BS to that and MFN to that. (Ask me personally what is MFN as I don't want to get my post deleted...for any reason) As I am pracitising self love and self affirmation I realized that once I learn to love myself, everything else will fall into place. My anxiety for "getting a girlfriend" or waiting for the ************** MM to get back to me is no longer a priority. I am happier now, but I also realized that I can also want and pray for something without being paranoid or obsessive over it. So today the MM messaged me and asked me if I would date a MUCH older woman. I am glad I said no, instead of yes as per the last time because I regretted it greatly as our mentality and approaches had differed. I was also used to saying or obliging to the MM thinking
Update
It's been almost a year since my ex girlfriend ghosted me and a lot of positive have taken place. Recently, Valentine's day took a terrible toll on me. It triggered me and I cried a little yesterday and today. But I will rise up again and hold my head up high because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am sitting on the shoulders of a mighty and powerful God and He is amazing. I wrote a poem and I feel better now...
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Hey everyone. A lot has happened and everything is going pretty well! After focusing on self love and self improvement I found a few things have changed for the better : 1) I have become more social, I've reached out to families and friends more. 2) I am more positive about myself and my self esteem has increased 3) I have set some goals and am working towards achieving it, consistently! 4) I am off psychotherapy so that's always good. 6) Gonna start coaching with a life coach. So yay
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Comments4
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I'm sorry you're going through this Cereal, and I'll be praying for you. A good patron saint for mental and emotional troubles is Saint Dymphna in case you feel like you might want to ask her for prayers. You know already I've had anxiety and panic attacks for a long time so I understand how frustrating this can be and my heart is with you ♥